VH1 Introduces New Reality Show: Celebrity Abortion Clinic with Dr. Drew
PASADENA, CA - Dr. Drew Pinsky, addiction specialist, media personality, and creator of an assortment of television shows such as Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, Teen Mom Reunion: Checkup with Dr. Drew, and Celebrity Rehab Presents: Sober House, will host VH1’s newest addition to their “CelebReality” lineup, Celebrity Abortion Clinic with Dr. Drew.
“For years I’ve given the public an inside look at stars struggling with poor person problems like alcoholism, drug abuse, sex addiction, and lack of tabloid coverage,” Pinsky stated. “And now I’m shedding light on the fascinating world of Hollywood pregnancy terminations.”
“Finally America will have the unique opportunity to observe celebrity uteruses as they experience the good, bad, and ugly sides of the abortion process,” announced a press release from VH1. “From the pregnancy test to the options counseling, to the cervical dilation and vacuum aspiration, cameras will document the trials and tribulations of seven famous tramps in their quest to be pregnancy-free.”
“When having an abortion, the best thing you can do is videotape the experience and sell it into syndication,” suggests Dr. Drew.
Though it has yet to air, Celebrity Abortion Clinic is already creating controversy, and conservative groups are predictably unhappy about its blatant displays of female bodily sovereignty. George Henderson, spokesperson for the pro-life organization Stop Holocausting America’s Beautiful Little Angels (SHABLA), expressed disgust at the program, claiming it “devalues the already-neglected lives of celebrity children” and “glorifies women selfishly escaping the natural consequences of unholy sexual relations.” “Babies are precious miracles from God,” Henderson stated. “And these irresponsible sluts deserve to be punished with one.”
Responding to concerns about the show’s potential to glamorize abortion, network representatives reassured critics that the participating women were “held up to copious amounts of ridicule” and “thoroughly shamed.” “While preserving the patients’ dignity was our first priority when chronicling their invasive uterine procedures for millions of viewers, we made certain to maintain proper levels of paternalistic finger-wagging and public humiliation as well,” VH1 said.
Dr. Drew also defended himself against the common accusation that his television programs exploit deeply troubled patients for the purpose of entertainment. “I’m in the business of helping people,” Pinsky offered. “America is in the midst of an unemployment crisis, and because of my shows, these previously out-of-work celebrities have managed to reclaim mediocre levels of fame and notoriety. In fact, many of the participants in Celebrity Rehab return for subsequent seasons, which speaks to its success. They may be high out of their minds, but they’re on television. They’re back in the public eye again. They get to be famous, and more importantly, so do I. I’m confident Celebrity Abortion Clinic is going to offer its patients these same opportunities.”
When asked what role the women’s partners would have in Celebrity Abortion Clinic with Dr. Drew, producers noted that there isn’t much focus on men. “Viewers are really more interested in the girls who got themselves pregnant,” they explained.
Celebrity Abortion Clinic with Dr. Drew will air Thursday nights at 10:00pm EST. Pinsky is also slated to host VH1’s Basketball Wives Reunion Special: STD Testing with Dr. Drew later this month.
(For your FYI, this is jokes - not real. Apparently this wasn’t initially super obvious to people, which either means that I suck at writing satire, or we’re at such a cultural nadir in terms of both exploitation of women and media offerings that a show called Celebrity Abortion Clinic is actually plausible. Little from column A, little from column B, probs.)
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